master piece
This commit is contained in:
Marc Robin Richter
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import type { LineColor } from '../components/BootSequence';
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export interface OutputLine {
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text: string;
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color: LineColor;
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}
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type CommandHandler = (args: string[]) => OutputLine[];
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function green(text: string): OutputLine {
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return { text, color: 'green' };
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}
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function amber(text: string): OutputLine {
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return { text, color: 'amber' };
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}
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function dim(text: string): OutputLine {
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return { text, color: 'dim' };
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}
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function red(text: string): OutputLine {
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return { text, color: 'red' };
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}
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const FS_LISTING = [
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'drwxr-xr-x frank staff games/',
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'drwxr-xr-x frank staff mods/',
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'drwxr-xr-x frank staff frank_broke_this/',
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'drwxr-xr-x frank staff backups_that_dont_work/',
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'-rw-r--r-- root staff todo.txt',
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'-rw-r--r-- root staff server_rules.txt',
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'-rw-r--r-- frank staff definitely_not_a_virus.exe',
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'-rwx------ root staff fix_franks_mess.sh',
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'-rw-r--r-- frank staff iou_hosting_fees.txt',
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'drwxrwxrwx frank staff node_modules/ (2.1 GB)',
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];
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const FILE_CONTENTS: Record<string, string[]> = {
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'todo.txt': [
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'1. Fix Frank\'s mess',
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'2. Update the server (postponed since 2019)',
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'3. Actually play games instead of fixing the server',
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'4. Collect hosting fees from Frank',
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'5. Give up',
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],
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'server_rules.txt': [
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'STIFT15 SERVER RULES:',
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'=====================',
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'1. Do not let Frank push to main',
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'2. Do NOT let Frank push to main',
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'3. Seriously, Frank, stop pushing to main',
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'4. No mining crypto on the game server',
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'5. Frank, rule 4 applies to you specifically',
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'6. Whoever keeps downloading texture packs: stop (Frank)',
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'7. The server admin is always right',
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'8. If the server is down, it\'s Frank\'s fault',
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],
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'iou_hosting_fees.txt': [
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'Frank owes:',
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' January .... $15.00',
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' February ... $15.00',
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' March ...... $15.00',
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' April ...... $15.00 + $47.00 (emergency server recovery)',
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' May ........ $15.00',
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' Total ...... $122.00',
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'',
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'Status: "I\'ll get you next month" (since January)',
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],
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'definitely_not_a_virus.exe': [
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'Nice try. This is a Linux server.',
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],
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};
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const NEOFETCH = [
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' _______ stift15@server',
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' / _____| ---------------',
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' | (___ OS: Linux 6.9.0-gamer-generic',
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' \\___ \\ Host: Stift15 Gaming HQ',
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' ____) | Kernel: 6.9.0-gamer',
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' |_____/ Uptime: 4h 20m 69s',
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' ____ _____ _____ Packages: 847 (node_modules)',
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' |____|_____|_____| Shell: stift15-sh 1.0',
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' CPU: AMD Ryzen 9 9950X @ 5.7GHz',
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' S T I F T 1 5 GPU: NVIDIA RTX 5090 "Mortgage Ed."',
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' Memory: 63420 MB / 65536 MB',
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' Disk: 98% used (node_modules)',
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' RGB: SYNCED (mood: aggressive)',
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];
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export const handlers: Record<string, CommandHandler> = {
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help: () => [
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amber('Available commands:'),
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green(' help - Show this help message'),
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green(' ls - List files'),
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green(' cat <file> - Read a file'),
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green(' cd <dir> - Change directory'),
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green(' whoami - Who are you?'),
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green(' nano - Text editor'),
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green(' neofetch - System info'),
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green(' clear - Clear terminal'),
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green(' blame - Find who\'s responsible'),
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green(' uptime - Server uptime'),
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green(' ping <target> - Ping a target'),
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green(' rm <file> - Remove a file'),
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green(' sudo <cmd> - Run as root'),
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green(' reboot - Reboot the server'),
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],
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ls: () => FS_LISTING.map((line) => dim(line)),
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cat: (args) => {
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const file = args[0];
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if (!file) return [red('cat: missing file operand')];
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const contents = FILE_CONTENTS[file];
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if (!contents) return [red(`cat: ${file}: No such file or directory`)];
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return contents.map((line) => green(line));
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},
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cd: (args) => {
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const dir = args[0];
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if (!dir) return [dim('~')];
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if (dir === 'node_modules') return [red('cd: node_modules: event horizon detected, cannot enter')];
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if (dir === 'frank_broke_this') return [red('cd: frank_broke_this: directory too corrupted to enter')];
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if (dir === 'games') return [amber('cd: games: you should be fixing the server, not playing games')];
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if (dir === 'backups_that_dont_work') return [red('cd: backups_that_dont_work: Permission denied (also they don\'t work)')];
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return [red(`cd: ${dir}: No such file or directory`)];
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},
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whoami: () => [
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green('guest'),
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dim('(you thought you were root? lol)'),
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],
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nano: () => [
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red('nano: command disabled.'),
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dim('Frank deleted it to "save disk space."'),
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dim('He then installed 47 texture packs.'),
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],
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neofetch: () => NEOFETCH.map((line) => green(line)),
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blame: () => [
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green('Analyzing git history...'),
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green('Checking commit logs...'),
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green('Cross-referencing with incident reports...'),
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green(''),
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amber('Result: It was Frank.'),
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dim('(confidence: 99.7%)'),
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dim('(remaining 0.3%: also Frank, using an alt account)'),
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],
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uptime: () => [
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green(' 03:14:15 up 4:20, 69 users, load average: 4.04, 0.00, 0.00'),
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dim('(new personal record!)'),
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],
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ping: (args) => {
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const target = args[0];
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if (!target) return [red('ping: missing target')];
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const lower = target.toLowerCase();
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if (lower === 'frank') {
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return [
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green(`PING frank (192.168.1.???) 56(84) bytes of data.`),
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amber('Request timeout. Frank is AFK again.'),
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amber('Request timeout. Frank is "getting food."'),
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amber('Request timeout. Frank disconnected.'),
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red('--- frank ping statistics ---'),
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red('3 packets transmitted, 0 received, 100% packet loss'),
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dim('(as usual)'),
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];
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}
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if (lower === 'franks.mom' || lower === 'frank.mom' || lower === 'franksmom') {
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return [
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green(`PING franks.mom (192.168.1.1) 56(84) bytes of data.`),
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dim('...'),
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dim('...'),
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dim('...'),
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amber('Request timeout.'),
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amber('Request timeout.'),
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amber('Request timeout.'),
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red('--- franks.mom ping statistics ---'),
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red('3 packets transmitted, 0 received, 100% packet loss'),
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dim(''),
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dim('franks.mom is unreachable.'),
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dim('She blocked this server after the 3 AM incident.'),
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dim('Frank says "it wasn\'t that loud" but we have witnesses.'),
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];
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}
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if (lower === 'google.com' || lower === 'google') {
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return [
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green(`PING google.com (142.250.80.46) 56(84) bytes of data.`),
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green('64 bytes: icmp_seq=1 ttl=118 time=4.20ms'),
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green('64 bytes: icmp_seq=2 ttl=118 time=6.90ms'),
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dim('--- google.com ping statistics ---'),
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dim('2 packets transmitted, 2 received, 0% packet loss'),
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dim('(at least something works)'),
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];
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}
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return [
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green(`PING ${target} 56(84) bytes of data.`),
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green(`64 bytes: icmp_seq=1 ttl=64 time=${(Math.random() * 100).toFixed(1)}ms`),
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green(`64 bytes: icmp_seq=2 ttl=64 time=${(Math.random() * 100).toFixed(1)}ms`),
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];
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},
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rm: (args) => {
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const joined = args.join(' ');
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if (joined.includes('-rf') && joined.includes('/')) {
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// Special case handled in CommandPrompt
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return [];
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}
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if (args.length === 0) return [red('rm: missing operand')];
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return [red(`rm: cannot remove '${args[args.length - 1]}': Permission denied`)];
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},
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sudo: (args) => {
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if (args.length === 0) return [red('sudo: missing command')];
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return [
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red('Nice try.'),
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dim(`[sudo] incident reported to the server admin.`),
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dim(`[sudo] also reported to Frank's mom.`),
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];
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},
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};
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